Thoughts

Dear Ting

Whether you are going to see this or not, i will just write down how i am feeling now.
firstly, I want to thank you for what u have done for me since December 4th, 2008.
You are just perfect for me. you are romantic, giving me a bunch of surprises, memories, and hopes.
you gave me reason to live, exist.

i can't stop thanking you because you gave me so much.

now I am here without u.
I feel like I lack sth. you are fine without me. but obiously i was relying on you so much.
now i dont have someone to share sth with, to fight with, be romantic with, play game with, and release my worry about future with. Even though I watched american funny drama, I can't share with anybody. I have friends, but you were the one who I wanted to share everything. Simply, i wanted to share sth, then smile together with u.

my feeling is simple. I love you because I need you.
I need someone to share sth, play game, have fun together, talk about sth romantic, share same value, dream the same dream, watch the same movie, read the same news, sometimes discuss sth meaningful in our life, and live together.
Now, You rejected me. you said you dont need me.
I thought you were relying on me but i realized that was not u, but me.
fine.

you told me reasons.
but sounds too difficult to me.
I simply want those things in relationship.
not past, it is about present and future.
you are telling me complicated stuff. religious? I wanna be christian if u want me to.
but it is impossible for me to be christian in a couple days. I want to respect christian.
I need to change the way i am and the way i handle the problem, the way of thinking about life to be with u.
I thought you love me, you love how i am, how i was, and how i am going to be. I thought you love what i have.
I thought you knew that. different religion? so cant? too complicated for me.
why you cant love how i am now?I am willing to adjust you. I am okay with changing religion.
but why you cant just love how i am now?
you loved how i was few days ago.
but now you are telling me you cant because of religion.

I know If i tell you I cant change so quick, then you would say thats fine, you dont need me.
thats why i dont tell you anything. I want to give a shot, even though I am confused.
I want to try to get u back as much as i can, i would regret if i dont do it.
but
plz just tell me... why you cant love how i am now.
plz....
plz.......

your explanation sounds make sense.
I am not that much stupid to understand what u told me.
but sounds like if i am not christian, you cant love me no matter how good i am.
if i am christian, you can love no matter how bad i am.

tomoya