trip

Dear ting ting

honey,

I love you so much.

and I m happy that you love me so much too.

on this trip, I enjoyed the time with you a lot.

CT, Boston~ even though only a few days, I got more that I paid. hahah

Right now, waiting for airplane @ chicago.

dono what to write here. so going to write more when i go back to my dorm.

heheh

love uuuu

chu chu

Park

yesterday, i went out with my mom.

and went to famous park just to sightseeing on the way to go visit my dad.

I took a pic of the dear that I sent to u.

so peaceful to go to a park.

but, the more I enjoyed the time there, the more I remembered the time with u.

I want to go travel with u again,

to where we have never been in our life.

love ya

tomoya

Dear Ting Ting

I am happy to see you got a job and started working.

Hope you can learn a lot and improved your skill a lot.

but at the same time, I miss you a lot. hahaha

maybe I am at home, do nth, thats the problem.

but I want to talk with you moreeee.h hahaha

I m very afraid of what will happen after I start to work.

Would you love me even though we don't talk that much???

I am afraid your feeling might change.

heheh, anyway, ganbatte- for tmr too

hope your ipod will come to you soon.

my congratulation gift for you got job.

tomoya

complaining~~~

What do I want?
Should i move out or not?
Feel like i m being a bad daughter to leave my dad alone.
But I hate to see my parents keep going to play ma jiang not coming back home.
I hate that living in the same house seeing each other's short coming.
I hate that living in a house with a feeling that whatever this is not your house, so you shoudn't decoreate it.
For me a house should be a comfortable place to live, feel love.
I thought I felt so good to live at home right after I got back.
But after two months of living at home, just feel like this is not really home.
My parents always play ma jiang, beside that they know nothing.
They even rather choose to spend money on that game instead to walk around and feel life.
Every single after I cleaned up, they house got back to dirty again the next day.
I don't like my stuff being touch.
I just want to live with someone that I don't know, they won't touch my stuff, and I don't have to care them, no need to take the responsible of each other.
I guess I am just afraid of seeing people's shortcoming, afraid to have conflicts, and don't want to care, and don't want to take the responsibility.
I guess I am being alone too much.
I hate to living like don't know what I want, but it is true that I don't know what I want. All the thing that I can do is to think and move step by step.

Valentine

Happy Valentine

Ting Ting

I am going to give u a dozen of roses :p

hope you love them.

in the language of flowers, or floriography

red roses means true love.

hehehe

I truly love you.

I will wait for you to give me roses too somedays :p

Bad mom~~~

I hate my mom who has no money, but keep going to gambling. I hate her, always go to my bank account withdraw the money. Even though I told her many times not to do it but still keep doinng so. When I was hurt by the surgery, she just keep going to play ma jiang, not taking care of me. Why do I have this kind of mom? Why I have a mother who always lie? Why I have a mother always gambling. I hate her. I hate that she has no moral. She came back early is not going to the surgery with me, just came back early to play ma jiang. I thought a mom suppose to take care of their kid while they were sick.

My first surgery!

Today I had my frist surgery in my life.

Everything was so scary.

Even though my mom and brother went with me, I was in the exam room by myself, I was in the waiting room by myself, I was in the surgery room by myself.

When I was waiting in the exam room by myself, I saw so many patients are with families. I was feeling so scared and lonely. Why can't I have family support me?
And then nurse told that I have to pee, but I couldn't. At that time I wanted to cry so much, cuz I felt so helpless, and I can't even pee.

And then they brought me to the waiting room. The nurse told me to laid down on the bed. I was waiting over there by myself, and feeling so worry, and scared because nobody talked to me. And then I found a way to relax, it is by thinking you. (that helped me a little bit)

Finally the doctors came and the nurse came asked me some question, and then moved me to the surgery room. I looked at the room. I was thinking this is the room that I always see it in the drama or movie. I was thinking, omg it is so scary when you are the one who is laing there being "cut." I really want to scream out that I don't want to do it anymore. but I know I shouldn't escape, because I have been annoying by that symtom for like 2 years.

When I woke up I was in the recovery room already. I was thinking "oh I am alive!" But the first thing that I spoke out is that it hurts, and then the nurse put some liquid in to the needle, that kind of released some of my hurt, but that still hurts a lot. so she gave me another medicine. And then I waitted in the recovery room by myself for another two hours, while I saw so many other patients family come check out them.

At the end my mom and my brother came up pick me up. I felt so touchy when my brother knows that I felt so hurt, and said do you want me to carry you. And then when i said i m so hungry, so want to throw up, my dad bought me congee. I was thinking that only family can be with you and support you when you are sick.

At home feel so sick, dizzy, hurt, pain, mentally and physically. My parents and brother are laughing happily, because they have a healthy body. They are not making fun at me, but I just feel so jealous, how come when i felt so hurt my mom can say so many words that sounds don't care, how come when I am suffering, she is laughing. Can she understand me even a bit. But I guess asking other people to understand me is very difficult, because they are not me, they can't feel the pain on my body.

waitted until the night time. you got online, i told you that i called you many times. I hoped that no matter you are my bf or not, I hope you can be with me when i am sick, if you can't be with me, you should have to give me a call after surgery. I was so disappointing the first sentence that I got is that, "but I was sleeping, I have to wake up early, to go out with mom."
wake up early not b/c you have to give me a call, but b/c of that, my surgery is that much tiny. so tiny that you didn't worry about it.

So tired of you, someone who doesn't know what is more important.


Hope this is going to be over soon.