What do I want?
Should i move out or not?
Feel like i m being a bad daughter to leave my dad alone.
But I hate to see my parents keep going to play ma jiang not coming back home.
I hate that living in the same house seeing each other's short coming.
I hate that living in a house with a feeling that whatever this is not your house, so you shoudn't decoreate it.
For me a house should be a comfortable place to live, feel love.
I thought I felt so good to live at home right after I got back.
But after two months of living at home, just feel like this is not really home.
My parents always play ma jiang, beside that they know nothing.
They even rather choose to spend money on that game instead to walk around and feel life.
Every single after I cleaned up, they house got back to dirty again the next day.
I don't like my stuff being touch.
I just want to live with someone that I don't know, they won't touch my stuff, and I don't have to care them, no need to take the responsible of each other.
I guess I am just afraid of seeing people's shortcoming, afraid to have conflicts, and don't want to care, and don't want to take the responsibility.
I guess I am being alone too much.
I hate to living like don't know what I want, but it is true that I don't know what I want. All the thing that I can do is to think and move step by step.
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I understand u :) why don't you challenge urself first? I mean moving out. probably you might experience living really by urself. I know you hate those stuff that u mentioned above, and you want to live freely. so just do what u want to do first. then you might think oh, actually living with family ? dad is better? or realized that you feel so happy to live by your own. you cant feel sth unless you really do it. plus, you are 23 years old now. You are an adult. maybe your dad might feel lonely. but he never change. so my point is that you can be independent or try to be independent, isnt it??? sooner or later, you have to be independent. try out ne:)
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