Thoughts

Dear Ting

Whether you are going to see this or not, i will just write down how i am feeling now.
firstly, I want to thank you for what u have done for me since December 4th, 2008.
You are just perfect for me. you are romantic, giving me a bunch of surprises, memories, and hopes.
you gave me reason to live, exist.

i can't stop thanking you because you gave me so much.

now I am here without u.
I feel like I lack sth. you are fine without me. but obiously i was relying on you so much.
now i dont have someone to share sth with, to fight with, be romantic with, play game with, and release my worry about future with. Even though I watched american funny drama, I can't share with anybody. I have friends, but you were the one who I wanted to share everything. Simply, i wanted to share sth, then smile together with u.

my feeling is simple. I love you because I need you.
I need someone to share sth, play game, have fun together, talk about sth romantic, share same value, dream the same dream, watch the same movie, read the same news, sometimes discuss sth meaningful in our life, and live together.
Now, You rejected me. you said you dont need me.
I thought you were relying on me but i realized that was not u, but me.
fine.

you told me reasons.
but sounds too difficult to me.
I simply want those things in relationship.
not past, it is about present and future.
you are telling me complicated stuff. religious? I wanna be christian if u want me to.
but it is impossible for me to be christian in a couple days. I want to respect christian.
I need to change the way i am and the way i handle the problem, the way of thinking about life to be with u.
I thought you love me, you love how i am, how i was, and how i am going to be. I thought you love what i have.
I thought you knew that. different religion? so cant? too complicated for me.
why you cant love how i am now?I am willing to adjust you. I am okay with changing religion.
but why you cant just love how i am now?
you loved how i was few days ago.
but now you are telling me you cant because of religion.

I know If i tell you I cant change so quick, then you would say thats fine, you dont need me.
thats why i dont tell you anything. I want to give a shot, even though I am confused.
I want to try to get u back as much as i can, i would regret if i dont do it.
but
plz just tell me... why you cant love how i am now.
plz....
plz.......

your explanation sounds make sense.
I am not that much stupid to understand what u told me.
but sounds like if i am not christian, you cant love me no matter how good i am.
if i am christian, you can love no matter how bad i am.

tomoya

Old days

Dear Ting Ting

I remember smell of fountains, trees, green fields, clear air of the place.
I remember the park that we often went and talked about our senses.
I remember the empty lecture room that we secretly went after classes.

they are always in my mind.
they are still vividly coming back to my mind.

I remember the way to your house in dark.
I remember the tears of u.
I remember the night that we talked under million of stars at track

I dono why
I dono why
I went there to study but I only remember those thing.
I dont remember what did i learn from classes.

Thank you.
There you were, therefore here I am.

Love you,

Tomoya

I am being bored....

Dear tomoya,

Last friday after I went to my friend's church, I realized something. Two and half years ago, I transferred from my old college to Ualbany. After that so many unhappy things happened: got sick, so unhappy, GPA drop so much, etc. Around that time, is the time that I don't go to church that much. At that time I think why do I have to rely on god so much. I can't touch him, hear him, feel him, and I don't even know if he really can help me or not. And why so many things happening to me and he didn't help me. So at that time I stopped rely on god and trust him so much. But that day while I was at the church I realized that, I changed a lot after I transferred to Ualbany, I said bad words, do a lot of things that god doesn't like it. I found out that it is not god doesn't help me. It is that I walked away from god. Those things happened cuz I am not relying god anymore. (I want to share my experience of god to you) I hope I can change. I hope I can rely on god more. You know what? every day, time and thing could be change, except our faith. I hope my faith won't ease easily. I hope we learned to treasure while we are still having it not after we lost it, this is the reason why I love you. I love you, not because of my temporary passion, but because I chose to.

Love you,

Ting

lonely

Dear ting ting
today i had a speech in front of 50 students to talk about study abroad. maybe u r sleeping now. hope u r dreaming about us together.ting ting i m lonely. i miss u...i m afraid one day i lose u. what can i do if i lose u. every single day i think about it.ting ting i m taking train now.when i think about u the noises of train go further. hahaha i m really in love with u.

tomoya